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Writing a Pro-Linux response, the definitive guide

Linux Today The Anti-Linux-IPO Howto

OK, I just couldn't resist...

As a service to all the Anti-Linux journalists
out there, here's a Perl script which reads
this template and outputs a complete Anti-Linux
article, ready for publication:

Just run it like this:

where 'template' is the file

and remember to change $name and $email
in the source.

Oops, I just remembered: Perl is open source,
so they'll probably not want to use it. What a
shame. ;)

Who wants to put this up as a CGI-script?

Michael Agroskin - Subject: Realistic point of view (Jul 23, 1999, 18:23:10 )
The most amazing thing is that Linux is really all things listed in that article, plus some more :-)

That's why it is so easy to write anti-Linux stuff (or pro-Linux stuff, for that matter).

Congratulations to the author. He nailed it without even realizing what's going on.

Probably, you guys are not aware about a simple philosophical principal: We don't choose from the good and the bad, we choose from the bad and the worse. Makes quite a difference, don't you think?

Microsoft is bad. Linux is bad. All we got to choose is which one is worse.

Wise person would think like this: "OSS (CSS) is bad because of inherent anarchy, missing economical incentives, zealotry, et cetera (duplicate efforts, closed source code, et cetera), but it has some good features like easy to modify code, being not proprietary, et cetera (competition, market pressure,  possibility to speed up development using money, et cetera). Which one is worse?"

Almost nobody of OSS proponents would even consider that OSS (especially their beloved Linux) could possibly have some bad features, or CSS could have any good features. Nope, Linux is the best thing after the sliced bread, and everybody critical of Linux is just a Microsoft lackey.


Writing a Pro-Linux response, the definitive guide

There are generally four steps to writing a good pro-Linux (I like Whinux, for Whining and Linux) e-mail to educate all those wonderful journalists out there. Here they are:

1) The Subject: Usually you want the subject to really tell what the message is about. You could use something like, "A Disagreement With Your Article", but then that wouldn't make you feel like the powerful man you aren't. Instead, use something like one of the following:

A) Journalists Suck <>
B) I Hate You and Wish You Would DIE!
C) You M$ Loving Bag of <>

2) The Opening Paragraph: Usually, you can just write one sentence for you opening paragraph, and then call it quits. Something like, "you suck!" does wonders for the Whinux cause. For those who want to feel like real men (rather than the fat lazy dork really behind the computer) you can spend a few long sentences introducing yourself as the most knowledgeable Linux user on the planet. You should use the phrases "lines of code", "device driver", "administrator", "kernel developer" if you can. But remember, never admit that you are really some student at a worthless university with no practical business knowledge.

3) The Proof: Now you're ready to spew forth your seed. Make sure that you use such common thoughtless rhetoric as:

A) "Open Source is better because closed source is restrictive!" This is true because we all know that GNU software gives me complete freedom of choice, as long as I give away the source code (which is required by law and punishable by death). Isn't freedom grand?

B) "Open Source is the latest revolution and the people want it!" This is true because of all the other wonderful Open Source Licenses that are out there fueling their own revolution. At last count there were over 30 such revolutions underway, and more coming! And look at how the revolution has treated such visionaries as Netscape!

C) "Open Source is based on the economic principle of abundance!" Make sure you read your ECON 101 book real good and then pull as many catch phrases as you can. But stear clear of the fact that really, only one very small and untested legal document holds the entire economic principle together. Also, you might not want to mention that most of the people writing this Open Source stuff are doing it for the possibility of getting a job after college or being known as programming studs by their peers (or even HaXor 31337).

D) "M$ is a monopoly and therefore must be eliminated. KMFMS Now!" Make sure that you back this up with examples of how Linux will become the next ruler of the galaxy and that it's O.K. for Linux to dominate because it's not M$ and that makes the Linux Community's plans for world domination good.

E) "Winblows/Mickeysoft/OSblew/<> suck. Linux rules." Make sure you use as many cute/funny/overworked names as possible to prove how great your Whinux box is. Also, make sure you go into as much detail about how your interface is the best and the rest all suck (even though there's about 20 for Linux). Make sure you cover such important points as screen color, 3d appearance, command line completion, and other important user interface issues. Steer clear of such things as Sendmail configuration, recompiling Apache, or upgrading RedHat.

4) Conclusion: This is easy, just type some expletive. Nothing proves your point more than cussing at the person you're trying to inform.

That should do it. Remember, even you can make all Linux users look like raving lunatics and whiners. Long live Whinux!


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